3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
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The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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