can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
