We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
