I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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