I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My vagina just clenched in fear
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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