Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
