Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
