Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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