i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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