I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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