I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
