The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
