chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
