dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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