saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
