I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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