i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
