i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
