fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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