brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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