You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
