I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize