If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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