Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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