Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
