there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
