I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
