ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
