I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
