Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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