The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
