Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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