do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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