I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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