I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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