FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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