...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
