I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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