absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
