I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
