My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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