He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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