omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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