my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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