i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize