Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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