omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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