My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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