Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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