Texts From Last Night

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  (831): View more from California

  Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777

  (323): View more from California

  Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)

  (831): View more from California

  Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.

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  (831): Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777 (323): Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;) (831): Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up. http://tfl.nu/bykg
  Replies (19) Good night (2059) Bad night (654)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.

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  (410): You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out. http://tfl.nu/phll
  Replies (17) Good night (3200) Bad night (608)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.

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  (404): I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced. http://tfl.nu/ok17
  Replies (23) Good night (4997) Bad night (528)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser

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  (313): you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser http://tfl.nu/1hpm
  Replies (16) Good night (4433) Bad night (822)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation

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  (303): I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation http://tfl.nu/w0jl
  Replies (9) Good night (6804) Bad night (1094)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  you are both the best and worst wingman ever.

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  (204): I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?" (1-204): you are both the best and worst wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/2hl0
  Replies (17) Good night (7201) Bad night (1174)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason

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  (304): If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason http://tfl.nu/mpoe
  Replies (10) Good night (1094) Bad night (4150)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.

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  (205): I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine. http://tfl.nu/wlnl
  Replies (50) Good night (2419) Bad night (7817)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.

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  (519): Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this. http://tfl.nu/msry
  Replies (35) Good night (1246) Bad night (3591)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.

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  (717): She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/4m88
  Replies (7) Good night (2631) Bad night (880)
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  (914): View more from New York

  So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.

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  (914): So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall. http://tfl.nu/w95m
  Replies (4) Good night (1308) Bad night (448)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.

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  (908): Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else. http://tfl.nu/wso9
  Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (484)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.

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  (937): Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me. http://tfl.nu/hltr
  Replies (16) Good night (866) Bad night (1498)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.

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  (616): We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots. http://tfl.nu/koac
  Replies (3) Good night (1787) Bad night (317)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  What's your ideal size in a man?

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......

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  (317): What's your ideal size in a man? (765): I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow...... http://tfl.nu/zo79
  Replies (5) Good night (701) Bad night (334)

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