i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?