He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
