I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
