I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
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Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.