Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?

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(317): View more from Indiana

Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke

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(317): View more from Indiana

She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(309): View more from Illinois

I stole so many things from the ER last night.

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(315): View more from New York

Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.

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