there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
