There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
