Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
