Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Help. Why am I so naked?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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