He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
