I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
