Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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