I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
