I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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