New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
