the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize