Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
