It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Swine flu is the new snow day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
