my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
