I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
