the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
