She is in my trunk
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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