I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
